Wizards vs Christmas: Christmas In July
by Save vs. Magic
Summary: It's summertime, and the living is easy. What better time for Alex and her brothers to test the limits of her Literarium Terrarium Activa spell? Can Justin convince her to submit the spell for Wizard certification? A series of loosely-interwoven one-shots, crossing over with various other fictonal worlds and characters. Summaries in each chapter. Jalex if you squint. T for language
1. Chapter 1: Back to the Drawing Board

**Disclaimer, The First:** _Wizards of Waverly Place_ and its characters are not owned by me. Which is a crying shame, since the people who do own them aren't making new stories with them anymore. Boo-urns.

**Author's Note:** Though my _Wizards vs. Christmas_ stories are far from being my most-reviewed or most widely read, the people who like them _really_seem to like them, and I often get requests for more, even in the off-season. So here it is: the first in a series of loosely interconnected one-shots set in the same continuity, using the same central central spell: _Literarium Terrarium Activa_, an invention of Alex's which allows her and her brothers to jump into enchanted DVDs of movies and television shows, and interact with the worlds and characters contained within.

It's not necessary to have read either of my previous _Wizards vs. Christmas_ stories (or _In Space, No One Can Hear You Scream_ by jlxology on LiveJournal, the delightfully cracky _WoWP/Battlestar Galactica_ crossover in which _Literarium Terrarium Activa_ made its first appearance) to enjoy these stories, but you might get more out of them if you do. Like the Christmas stories, these are very much "Jalex if you squint", meaning you can (hopefully) appreciate them whether you prefer Alex and Justin simply as siblings with a special bond, or as secretly a little bit more. Max and Harper (and possibly Jerry and Theresa) will figure into future installments, too.

Thanks for reading! Please to enjoy! :)

* * *

**I. Back to the Drawing Board**

**Summary:** _Alex tags along after Justin on yet another one of his self-appointed missions, only to discover a mission of her own in the process. (Well, two of her own, really, but the first one doesn't count.)_

**i.**

And suddenly, with a bright flash of light and a light tinkling noise, Alex appeared in the living room of what could only be described as a _really_ kick-ass house. Spacious, modern, and expensively-decorated, its massive floor-to-ceiling windows revealed a breathtaking unimpeded view of an ocean at high tide. Alex gawked openly as she turned in place, taking it all in. It all seemed familiar, kinda-sorta, but for some reason she couldn't quite place where she was. Maybe she'd seen it on an episode of _MTV Cribs_, or something...

"Justin?" she called out, marvelling a little at the way her voice actually seemed to echo. Jesus, how big _was_ this place? "Hey Justin, are you here?"

_"You are not authorized to access this area,"_ said a man's voice with a crisp English accent, making Alex jolt in surprise.

"Jesus Christ!" Alex muttered, turning in place again as she tried to place the source of the disembodied voice. It seemed to be coming from all around her at once, but she couldn't see any visible speakers anywhere in the room. Or any cameras or motion sensors, for that matter. Whatever security set-up they had in this place, it had to be state of the art if Alex Russo couldn't spot it. (Because, look, you didn't get the kind of reputation for pranking that _she_ had, unless you had at least a passing familiarity with these things.)

_"Please identifiy yourself,"_ the English dude continued smoothly, _"or I shall be forced to summon the authorities."_

"You first, British dude," Alex snapped back towards the ceiling, even as she raised her wand again, in case she had to GTFO in a hurry. "Where are you?"

"That's JARVIS," came another voice from behind her—a woman's, this time—making Alex jump again. "He runs the house."

Alex quickly spun on the heels of her fashionable-yet-affordably-priced boots to level the business end of her wand at the woman who'd managed to sneak up on her. The slim, conservatively-dressed redhead cocked an eyebrow at its glowing tip for a second, then let out a long-suffering sigh. Her eyes swivelled up towards Alex's face, crinkling ever so noticably at the corners as she smiled tightly.

"You're up earlier than most," she observed. "And you're fully dressed, which is a pleasant surprise. Let me guess: he caught your magic act at Cesar's Palace last night? And then brought you home to see what _else_ you could make disappear?"

"Gwenyth Paltrow?" Alex blinked in confusion, then snorted to herself and lowered her wand to her side. "Ohhhhhh, OK..._now_ I know where we are. Duh, I should've guessed..."

"Excuse me?" the redhead said, with a puzzled frown.

"Never mind," said Alex, stooping forward slightly as she hitched her right knee up towards her chest. The redhead's frown grew even more puzzled as she watched Alex tuck her wand down the side of her boot. "Listen, I'm looking for a Justin Russo. Giant nerd with dark hair, about yay high, dresses like he escaped from one of those GAP commercials where everybody dances? You haven't seen him by any chance, have you?"

"Justin?" The redhead's expression softened somewhat, and her shoulders relaxed a little. Which was good, as far as Alex was concerned, because if she'd been wound any tighter, she'd be likely to snap. "The college intern who's been apprenticing with Mister Stark? Yes, he's working downstairs in the garage."

"_College_ intern?" Alex snorted, before she could stop herself. "Seriously?"

"From M.I.T., yes," the redhead said, the puzzled frown threatening to return. But one corner of her mouth quirked up a little as she leaned forward, all conspirator-like. "Are you his girlfriend?"

"Girlfriend? Pfft!" Alex laughed, a little more loudly than is absolutely necessary, given the awesome acoustics of the house. "Please, as if I'd be caught _dead_ dating a complete dorkasaurus like him! Trust me, it's bad enough being his sister!"

"His sister? Oh." And just like that, the redhead went all stiff and tense again, the smile on her face tighter than a coiled spring. "Well, no need for you to go down. I'll just have JARVIS page him and ask him to come up to meet you, then."

"Nah, that's OK, I'll just go find him myself," Alex said, waving one hand dismissively. "I wanna see what he's working on. Besides, I like the way he squeals when I sneak up on him. He's downstairs, you said, yeah?"

The redhead who looked like Gwenyth Paltrow scoffed at this, then crossed her arms over her chest.

"Well, I'm sorry, but I'm afraid that won't be possible," she chuckled, an edge to her voice. "The garage is Mr. Stark's private workshop. It's a restricted area. You need a security code to access it."

Hearing the unspoken challenge in her voice, Alex narrowed her eyes and tilted her head to one side.

"Yeah, well, that's what they said about the photocopier in the teacher's lounge, too, but _somehow_ Xeroxes of my little brother's butt _still_ wound up being plastered all over the school." Blinking, she shifted her eyes just to the left of the redhead, then raised one hand and pointed into the empty foyer beyond. "Hey, look! Isn't that the lead singer from _Coldplay_!"

"What?" The redhead frowned, and spun around to look over her shoulder. "Where?"

"Sucker!" Alex grinned, then held up her hand with two fingers outstretched in a V. "Peace out, Gwenny."

And while the redhead's back was still turned, with a snap of her fingers, Alex flashed out just as abruptly as she'd flashed in.

* * *

**ii.**

Seconds later, Alex reappeared in an enormous, concrete-walled room that was much less lavishly decorated than the mansion upstairs, but no less enormous. It wasn't exactly what you'd call spacious, though—it was packed full of computers, machinery and all kinds of complicated-looking equipment. Kind of like Justin's room, times a zillion. Except that instead of carefully-preserved Captain Jim Bob Sherwood action figures in mint-condition packaging, on display was a row of several expensive and really _sweet_-looking cars...the kind that her ex-boyfriend, Dean, would have_drooled_ over.

And crouched next to one of them—an old black and red hot rod with flame decals on the side—was Justin Russo. Surrounded by the components of a disassembled six-cylinder engine, and holding a timing belt—you couldn't help but pick up a thing or two about cars when you hung out with Dean as much and as long as she had—and looking as bored as she'd ever seen him.

"Hey, egghead!" she called out to him, hands on her hips as she stalked towards him. "Just what the hell do you think you're—?"

_"Intruder alert!"_ the disembodied English guy's voice cut her off, as unseen sirens began to blare and the overhead lights started flashing on and off._"Initiating lockdown protocol. Defensive countermeasures engaged."_

"Woah, what now?" Alex said, looking towards the ceiling. "Yo, British dude, relax! I'm just here to see my—AAAUUUGGGGH!"

And that was the last thing that Alex managed to get out, before what could only be described as a giant robotic arm on wheels trundled around the corner, and shot her full in the face with a fire extinguisher, blinding her and knocking her flat on her ass in the process.

"ALEX!" Justin's voice cried out.

'"Woah woah woah woah woah!" a second, strangely familiar voice shouted then, as two pairs of hands grabbed at her arms, yanking her to her feet. "JARVIS, kill the alarms and stand down, huh? It's just a girl."

"_Just a girl who happens to be an unauthorized intruder, sir,_" disembodied British dude said pointedly, even as the sirens cut off in mid-blare, and the lighting returned to normal. "_Miss Potts is on the phone with the police as we speak._"

"Well, tell her to hang up. I've got everything under control here."

"_But sir—!_"

"JARVIS..."

Disembodied British dude didn't actually let out an exasperated sigh—not that Alex could hear anyway—but there was enough of a pause to give her the impression that he really _wanted_ to.

_"As you wish, sir,"_ he said in resignation.

"Right on, thanks. And hey, you! Dummy! Point that thing somewhere else before I turn you into an espresso machine."

This time no voice answered, but a distinctly mechanical whine replied, like a robot whose feelings had been hurt.

"LEGGO A'ME!" Alex snapped, flailing her arms until the hands gripping them were forced to let go. Bringing her hands up to her face, she wiped both her eyes free of the stinging white foam, then shook them out violently onto the floor.

"Alex, are you OK?" Justin asked.

"DO I LOOK OK?" shouted Alex, wiping bubbling foam away from her face with both hands. "WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK, JUSTIN?"

"Yeah, please don't blame Justin," the other, strangely familiar voice said, "because this is _totally_ my bad. While I have no idea how you managed to get in here, clearly this is a disproportionate response on par with...well, any American 'police action' of the past twenty or so years, let's be honest. But, y'know, 'shock and awe' pays the bills, so..."

Alex stopped scrubbing foam off her face for a second, and looked to her left...to find a goateed Robert Downey Jr. looking back at her, grinning sympathetically. And looking as beautiful as any man had ever looked in the history of manhood.

"Ohhhhhhhhhh, _no_," she groaned, covering her face with both hands. "I'd like to die now, please."

"Hey, no. It's not that bad, really. It's just a little foam," RDJ said, gently grabbing her hands and pulling them away from her face. "OK, so actually it's metric crapload of foam, but still...my assistant can have your clothes cleaned and pressed within the hour. Trust me. She's a champ at that."

Alex's breath hitched in her throat as RDJ's hands closed around hers, and his thumbs ghosted back and forth over her knuckles, despite the fact that fingers were covered in white frothy goo. Truth be told, she'd always had a tiny bit of a crush on him, which was why she'd only ever put up a token resistence whenever Justin insisted on watching this movie. But even though she knew he was pratically old enough to be her father—and might even be _older_ than Jerry, come to think of it—actually looking up into his deep brown eyes as they crinkled at the corners was making her more than a little weak in the knees.

RDJ certainly seemed to notice, because those deep brown eyes of his slowly swept down the front of her body, then all the way back up. And by the time they landed back on her face, there was a very distinct twinkle in them, accentuated by a smirk that could only be described as mischievous.

"Of course, in order to have your clothes cleaned by Miss Potts," he said smoothly, "we'll have to get you out of them."

Alex felt her cheeks begin to burn, even as her stomach did what felt like a triple-somersault, but she refused to drop his gaze like some shy little schoolgirl. Instead, she cocked one eyebrow and met his smirk with one of her own. "What, you mean right here?"

_"A-hem!"_ Justin interrupted, even as RDJ opened his mouth to reply. He stepped between them and practically yanked his sister's hands out of the other man's grasp. "Why don't I just show her to the restroom, where she can get cleaned up, shall I?"

Both Alex and RDJ blinked at him as though they'd completely forgotten he was there. (Which Alex actually kinda _had_, to be honest.)

"Um..."

"Uh..."

"Right! Back in a jiffy, then!" Justin said, tugging Alex forward by the wrists so hard that she almost flew right off her feet. She turned to look over her shoulder at RDJ, only to have Justin swing around behind her and push her towards the far end of the workshop, steering her by her shoulders.

"Wow," Alex said, craning her neck to see around Justin's head. "He is _so_ much better looking in person..."

"Alex, what are you _doing_ here?" Justin hissed under his breath, twisting her to the left and steering her around a corner, out of sight.

"Duh! Looking for you, egghead." Alex allowed him to shove her towards what looked like a small bathroom in the far corner, if only because it took less effort than walking there herself. "When what I'm _supposed_ do be doing right now is sitting in a recliner on the terrace, working on my tan. You're seriously cutting into my precious summer vacation lying-around time, here, dorkface."

"So get lost, then," Justin sneered at her. "Who asked you to come looking for me, anyway?"

"Uh, Mom and Dad?" Alex replied. "They're starting to get worried, nerdbutt. You've been gone for _days!_"

"Stop exaggerating," Justin snapped. "I've been here _one_ day, at most."

"Nuh-uh! Max had to pick up your last three shifts at the Sub Station!"

"Wow, seriously? Geez..." Justin frowned, his eyes looking inward for a moment. "I guess I lost track of time. Then again, there was a lot of trial and error in the beginning, as I tried to determine the most optimal point of the movie in which to insert myself. Maybe I lost more time there than I originally thought..."

"Ugh, only _you_ could turn this kick-ass spell I made for us into a science project, Justin," Alex said, rolling her eyes dramatically. "God, you're so anal!"

"I'm not anal, I'm thorough!" Justin protested, scowling at her. "And I'm sure _you_ were supposed to pick up my shifts, but you somehow conned Max into it."

"Blackmailed, actually," Alex said proudly. "P.S., those issues of _Letters to Wiz-Smut_ we keep findiing around the lair with the pages stuck together? Turns out they aren't Uncle Kelbo's."

"Eyyugh!" Justin grunted, leaning away from her, his face a mask of disgust. "Note to self: never sit in Max's seat during Wizard Lessons ever again...or touch anything he's touched..."

"Oh dude, I haven't touched anything that Max has since he was old enough to start carrying a dead lizard around in his pocket," Alex said, then jerked a thumb over her shoulder. "Look, hop on out of the DVD and come home for a bit, huh? Really. Mom's so worried that she's starting to do that thing where she reorganizes the kitchen and mutters to herself _en espanol_. Which is _seriously_ starting to get on my nerves, by the way."

"Sorry, no can do, Alex," Justin said, shaking his head as he steered her out of the path of another robot arm on wheels. "Not yet. Not when there's still so much to do."

"But _Justi-i-i-i-in!_ She's moved the pickles on me three times, already!" Alex whined over her shoulder at him. "What the hell have you been _doing_ in here for three days, anyway?"

"What does it look like I'm doing?" Justin asked. "I'm apprenticing under the great Tony Stark. He's a prodigy in robotic engineering and a veritable_genius_ in the field of clean energy!"

"Oh, really?" Alex scoffed. "Because when I flashed in, it looked an awful lot to _me_ like you were giving a tune-up to Tony Stark, giant horndog."

"I was _not_...he is _not_...!" Justin broke off with a sigh of frustration as they stopped at the door of the small bathroom, and he gestured inside. Alex stumbled forward a few steps, then turned around to glare at him with her arms crossed over her chest.

"All right, so yes I was," Justin admitted, rolling his eyes. "And yes, he is. We're still at an early point in the movie, here, before Mr. Stark gets wounded and abducted by the Ten Rings, which galvanizes him into creating and becoming Iron Man for the first time."

"Yeah, hi, seen the movie, thanks," Alex snarked. "Only about a _zillion_ times, thanks to you."

"I've tried using your _Literarium Terrarium Activa_ spell to jump in later," Justin went on, ignoring her, "but he won't even entertain the idea of an intern beyond this juncture. He becomes too obsessed with his mission to upgrade and refine the armor, and take out the Ten Rings. It's only at _this_stage, _before_ he creates it, that I've been able to convince him to take me on as a—"

"Flunky?" Alex supplied, cutting him off. "Gopher? Stooge? Patsy?"

Justin glowered at her. "How is it that you failed English last semester, but you're suddenly a walking thesaurus when it comes to humilating me?"

"I dunno. Which one's the thesaurus? Three horns, or spikes on the tail?"

Justin gaped at her, then closed both his mouth and his eyes, and started counting to ten under his breath.

In the meantime, Alex looked both ways to make sure the coast was clear, then bent over to fish her wand out of her boot. Holding it aloft, she twisted it in a tight circle. With a bright flash of light, her foam-soaked clothes disappeared, and both her hair and makeup were instantly refreshed. Her former outfit appeared in a soggy pile on the counter of the sink to her left. (And, holy crap, even this dude's _workshop_ bathroom had marble countertops. Just how loaded was he?)

"I will admit," Justin said patiently, with a heavy sigh, "that it has been a _tad_ difficult getting Mr. Stark to focus, and share his expertise with—" He opened his eyes, then frowned at her as he looked her up and down. "What are you wearing?"

"Duh. It's called a sun dress, Justin," Alex said, as she looked in the mirror hanging over the sink and subtly rearranged the way her hair fell around her shoulders. "So, what? You're trying to get him to show you how to build one of those robot suits he wears?"

"Actually, no. Believe it or not, I'm more interested in ARC reactor technology." Justin grimaced. "It might be fictional, but if I can figure out a way to synthesize it in the real world using magic, I could solve the planet's energy crisis single-handedly. I've don't think I've ever seen you _wear_ a sun dress before."

"Sure you have," Alex said. Studying herself in the mirror, she leaned forward ever so slightly, and tugged the front of her dress down just enough that the beauty mark above her right breast was barely visible. "Lots of times. I just usually wear a T-shirt and leggings underneath. Justin, you come from a world with a dragon-powered magical power plant. Why do you even care about this ark thingee?"

"Because the mortals will never buy the idea of dragons, but they _might_ just buy the technobabble of the ARC reactor," Justin insists. "And the Wizards' Council would be hard-pressed to prove it _was_ magic, and not just technological innovation. As Plan B's go, working to rid the world of its dependence on fossil fuels isn't bad. So why aren't you wearing a T-shirt and leggings with _this_ sun dress?"

"I'm just trying to blend in," Alex says, squinting at the mirror and pursing her lips at her reflection, to make sure her lip gloss was applied evenly. "Y'know, like when you made me wear grandma clothes in _It's a Wonderful Life_. California girls wear sun dresses like so. We _are_ in California, aren't we?"

"Malibu," Justin nodded.

"Ugh, fine, _Malibu_ girls wear sun dresses without T-shirts and leggings, then," Alex said rolling her eyes. "Whatever!"

"No, Alex, Malibu _is_ in—" Justin broke off and drew himself up to his full height, placing his hands on his hips. "Wait. You're dressed like this to impress _him_ aren't you?"

"Pfft! Justin, please. He's, like, twice my age."

"Twice? Try almost _three_ times, Alex!"

Alex stopped making duck face at her reflection and whipped her head around to stare at him, wide-eyed. "Wow, reallly? Man, he looks _really_ good for an old dude..."

"Oh my gosh, you are! You're totally trying to—" Justin broke off as his eyes travelled down his sister's front. "Alex, are you not even wearing a bra?"

"Shut up!" Alex said, feeling her cheeks grow suddenly hot. "I told you, I'm just trying to blend in!"

"Well, good luck with that," a third voice said, echoing across the vast expanse of the garage. Alex and Justin both spun towards it, to see RDJ—er, Tony Stark—sauntering towards them, with his hands in his pockets.

* * *

**iii.**

"Uh...I'm sorry...?" Alex asked, transferring her wand to her left hand. She quickly reached around the doorframe, out of Stark's field of view, and shoved it into the pile of damp clothes on the counter, sandwiched between her jeans and tanktop.

"I said good luck trying to blend in," Stark said as he closed the distance between them. He smirked at Alex as he unabashedly looked her up and down again. "Because I'm afraid that you're going to stick out like a sore thumb in _that_ getup. In a good way, of course."

Alex blushed once more, and grinned back, loving the attention. Next to her, she could practically sense Justin going stiff all over.

"Yeah, that is _some_ dress, all right," Stark said, nodding in appreciation. When his eyes finally made it back up to meet hers, he tilted his head to one side. "Where'd it come from, though? You didn't find it just randomly lying around here somewhere, did you? Because Pepper's usually really good about...well, picking up after me..."

"Nonono," Alex laughed, then gestured vaguely over her shoulder into the bathroom behind her. "I just... had it...um, folded up...in my bag...just in case..."

"Ah," Stark said, then frowned. "I don't remember seeing you with a bag, though..."

"Well, clearly, that's because...the dress _is_ the bag," Alex chuckled, as though it were obvious. "Yep, that's the hottest thing in women's fashion, right now: bags that turn into dresses, dresses that turn into bags."

"It's like a floral-patterned Transformer," Justin volunteered, nodding.

"Don't help," Alex snapped, elbowing him in the ribs.

"Interesting," Stark smiled, and his deep brown eyes seemed to be gazing right into her very soul. "Autobot? Or Decepticon?"

Alex blinked at this. "Huh?"

"Just curious to know whether your transforming dress is going to try to steal my technology and use it to take over the world," Stark said, narrowing his eyes and looking her up and down again. "Important distinction to make. There should be a symbol on here somewhere that'll clear it right up. Might be in a hard to find place, though. Spin for me real slow, wouldja?"

Alex blinked at him again, then smiled and raised one shoulder in a lazy shrug. "Sure, what the hell?"

Justin's hand snapped out and grabbed Alex by the arm before she could comply. "Ah, Mister Stark, I _think_ I ought to let you know—"

"I'm kidding, of course," Stark cut him off, waving one hand dismissivelly. "Guess you didn't see that movie, huh? Big robots? Punching each other? No? Never mind." He turned and fixed Justin with a stern gaze. "Russo, who _is_ this absolutely radiant creature you've brought into my life, and why haven't you introduced us?"

"Er...uh..." Seemingly aware that he was stammering, Justin broke off with a wince, then gestured awkwardly towards him. "Alex, this is Mister Stark."

"Nonono, just Tony," Stark said, holding up both hands and shaking of his head. "Mister Stark was my dad, see."

Alex narrowed her eyes at this a little. "But everyone here calls you that. The redheaded ice queen upstairs. Disembodied British dude. Dorkface, here..."

"Everybody _else_, maybe," Stark reached forward to take Alex's hand in his. "But not you, OK?"

Justin hesitated uneasily for a moment, then made an unhappy sound in the back of his throat before he gestured just as awkwardly towards his sister. "Uh, and this here is—"

"Alex Russo," she said, with a grin, as she shook Stark's hand. "It's a pleasure to meet me."

"No, please, the pleasure's all—" Stark broke off and blinked at her. "Ah, I see what you did there. Clever."

"Oh trust me, Tony, you don't know the half of it," Alex said, her smile widening.

"I think I'd like to," Stark said, with a grin to match.

"Ahem," Justin coughed. "Mister Stark, before things get all, um...well...anyway, look, you should probably know that Alex, here, is—"

"Don't tell me, your girlfriend?" Stark broke in with a wince, before he could finish. "Paramour? Significant other? Main squeeze?"

_"Sister!"_ Alex and Justin both corrected him in the same breath. Justin turned to glare at her even as Alex rocked back and forth on the heels of her flip-flops, practically beaming.

"Sister?" Stark repeated, beaming right back at her. "Well, isn't _that_ something?" Without letting go of Alex's hand, he reached out and playfully punched Justin in the shoulder with the other.

"Russo, you didn't say anything about having a sister, much less one as attractive as _this._"

"I try to block it out," Justin said flatly, grimacing as he reached up to rub his shoulder. "Listen, Mister Stark, don't you think we ought be getting back to...well, 'work', for lack of a better—"

"Older sister, or younger?" Stark asked Alex, ignoring him.

Alex raised one eyebrow raised playfully in a silent challenge. "Guess."

"Oh, for crying out loud..." Justin muttered under his breath, and reached up to shove his fingers through his hair.

Stark narrowed his eyes and stroked his goatee as his gaze darted from her, to Justin, and back again. "Hmm. Given Russo's bent for almost pathological anal-retentiveness, I'd have to guess that you're the _younger_ sibling."

"Much, _much_ younger, actually," Justin said pointedly, before Alex could answer. "And just because I'm thorough doesn't mean I'm—"

"Only by a year and four months!" Alex cut him off, then turned to smirk at Justin. "Which, since Justin is suddenly in _college_ now, and everything, can only mean that _I_ must be..."

"Accellerated program, graduated when I was sixteen, just like Mister Stark himself," Justin countered. He crossed his arms over his chest and smiled tightly at his sister. "Nice try, Alex. But all that still makes you way, _way_ undera—_JOOMPH!"_

"Under_standably_ overwhelmed," Alex said quickly, as she removed her elbow from his stomach, having driven the wind out of him, "to be in the presence of the great Tony Stark, prodi-thingee in robot whatchamacallits and a very tabled genius in the field of blue energy!"

"_Gre-e-e-e-e-een!_" Justin wheezed, almost inaudibly, as he doubled over at the waist, clutching his stomach and fighting for breath.

Stark, whose eyes had been going back and forth between them during their exchange, like a spectator at Wimbledon, now drew his head back with one eyebrow cocked, even as he finally let go of Alex's hand.

"_Blue_ energy, huh?" he said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "Right, I get it. You're talking about the ARC reactor. Lemme guess: you're doing your undergrad in Enviromental Science at UCLA?"

"If...that's what you _think_ I'm doing, then...sure!" Alex grinned, even as Justin groaned again.

"Uh-huh, that's what I thought," Stark said, with a wry smile. "Professor Micheline's class? Dude's been a big fan since _he_ was an undergrad, when my old man debuted the ARC at the Stark Expo. He's practically a groupie. You're not the first of his students to come sniffing around for the inside dope on it, hoping for a little extra credit...but you _are_ the first one who had their brother as an in."

Alex shrugged one shoulder lazilly. "You're the one who said I was clever."

"Mmmmm," Stark said, crossing his arms over his chest. He was quiet for a moment as he watched Justin coughing and struggling to regain his breath, before he turned his gaze back to Alex. "Fortunately for you, you're also cuter than most, or I'd be throwing both you _and_ your brother out on your butts."

"Yeah, you'd be amazed how often I hear that," Alex said.

"I'll bet," Stark chuckled, then looked up at the ceiling. "Hey, JARVIS? Tell Happy to bring the car around, huh? And let Pepper know I'm taking Russo and his kid sister on a little field trip to the Skonk Works."

_"Sir, may I remind you that your flight to Afghanistan with Colonel Rhodes is scheduled for departure in exactly one hour and seventeen minutes?"_disembodied British guy said. _"Perhaps this is not the most opportune time for a—"_

"JARVIS, it's my plane, it'll wait for me," Stark cut him off, with a glance towards the ceiling. "Schedules were made to be broken. Just let Pepper know, hmm? Uh..._after_ we've gone."

There was another one of those brief pauses where an exasperated sigh should have been.

"_At once, sir,_" disembodied British guy replied. _"Shall I alert the Skonk Works personnel to your impending arrival as well?"_

"Nah, let's surprise 'em," Stark said, then winked at Alex. "It's hilarious to watch, trust me. Dudes with mulitple PhD's scrambling around like idiots just because the boss has come for a visit? Priceless."

"Skunk Works?" Alex asked with an uneasy frown. "Where the hell is that?"

"Uh, it's my factory in Palmdale?" Stark replied, as though she should already know this. "Which is powered by the aforementioned ARC reactor? You _do_ want to get a good look at it, up close and personal, don't you?"

And before Alex could open her mouth to answer, Justin stood bolt upright and placed a hand on her shoulder, gripping it tightly for support.

"Yes! Yes she does! Absolutely she does!" he said quickly, with a wide smile. Without taking his eyes off Stark, he tilted his head meaningfully towards his sister. "You do, _don't you_, Alex?"

Alex looked from Stark, to Justin, and back again, then rolled her brown eyes towards the ceiling.

"Sure, what the hell?" she said flatly, with another shrug. "Let's go see the ark thingee."

* * *

**iv.**

"Lady and gentleman, behold," Stark said, an hour and a half later, as he gestured proudly to the massive generator behind him like a circus ringmaster. "The 'Great Experiment' of Stark Expo '74, and the red-headed stepchild of the Stark Industries R&D thinktank: the ARC reactor."

"Wow," Alex said, impressed despite herself, as she looked up at the massive, tranparent ring of pulsing blue-white energy that loomed before them, constantly humming with a deep, throbbing base tone that she could feel in the pit of her stomach. Next to her, Justin practically quivered with excitement.

"That's no moon," he stage-whispered in a reverent tone, as he held on tightly to the metal observation railing that encircled the reactor, staring at it with eyes the size of dinner plates. "That's a _space station_!"

"Yeah, not bad, huh?" Stark grinned. He dropped his arms and shoved his hands into his pockets as he ambled towards them. "My old man designed and built it in his spare time, from right after the second World War until the day he kicked the bucket. Pretty impressive to look at, but not exactly what you'd call cost-effective. The amount of money we spend on palladium in a single year to power it is ridonkulous, greater than the GNP of most Eastern Eurpoean countries."

"Boy, howdy," Alex said with forced enthusiasm, as if she'd understood a single word of what he'd just said besides 'ridonkulous'. "That's, um...wow."

"Well, at least it shuts the hippies up," Stark said, coming up next to Alex and turning to watch the reactor himself, before he quickly glanced at her. "Uh...I mean, it serves as a beacon of Stark Industries' commitment to environmental responsibility, and...y'know, all that crap..."

"What does it generate?" Justin asked excitedly, like a kid on Christmas Eve.

"Only about 1.73 gigajoules per second, on average," Stark replied with a wince, almost apologetically. "Pretty sluggish, I know. She'd do better if we could speed up her rotations, but given her size, and the exponential increase in wear and tear the palladium core would sustain just from the neutron damage alone, it's just not feasable."

"Awwwww, _ma-a-a-a-an...!_" Justin said, sounding genuinely disappointed.

Stark exchanged glances with Alex—who rolled her eyes skyward—then smiled in amusement at Justin.

"Yeah, it's a crying shame. I've always meant to take another good, hard look at Dad's little science project myself, someday, when I don't have Uncle Sam breathing down my neck to meet the delivery date on the latest boomstick. But seeing as how I don't expect that to happen until sometime around the thirteenth of Never..."

"Oh, that's right," said Alex, as a sudden thought struck her. "I forgot. You make, like, guns and missles and stuff at the beginning..."

"My company does, yeah," Stark said, bristling a little. "Let me guess: you have a problem with that?"

"Uh, no," Alex blinked, "but it kinda seems like you do."

Stark shrugged. "It's a living."

"Shyeah, _that_ sure sounded convincing..."

"Look, somebody's gotta do it, OK?" Stark said. "And if it's gotta be me, I might as well do it to the best of my ability. Otherwise America's soldiers would be out there, fighting our battles for us, armed with pea shooters and slingshots. Or, God forbid, Hammer Industries tech. Which wouldn't be a whole helluva lot better, trust—"

"Are there specs?" Justin cut him off, apropos of nothing, as though he was oblivious to their entire conversation. Judging from the way his eyes were dancing as he continued to stare up at the ARC reactor, Alex figured he probably hadn't heard a word of it. "Please tell me there's specs! Can I see them? _Please?"_

Stark narrowed his eyes at him. "Technically, that's proprietary data...but, seeing as how it's a technology almost forty years out of date, and you've already signed the standard Stark Industries NDA, anyway..."

And with that, he turned and whistled towards a cluster of engineers and technicians gathered around one of the many computer consoles that surrounded the ARC reactor, and waved them over. They hesitated a moment, exchanging glaces with one another, before the oldest of them—a bespectacled bald man in a white lab coat—reluctantly trotted over.

"Yes, Mister Stark?"

"Hey...um...you!" Stark said awkwardly, with a forced grin, then jerked his head towards Justin. "Russo here's an intern from MIT, and he's got this enormous hard-on for the ARC. Set him up at a terminal, wouldja? Show him everything we've got."

The engineer goggled at him, in open-mouthed horror, as though Stark had asked him to hand over his first-born. "_Everything?_"

"Warts and all," Stark nodded, then turned and slapped Justin on the shoulder. "Go play, Russo."

Justin turned to look up at him, his eyes glassy.

"Thank you so much! You have no idea what this means to me!" he squeaked. He clapped Stark on the arm, grinned widely at Alex, then turned and practically ran after the bespectacled engineer, so excited that he was practically vibrating. Stark smirked as he watched after him, and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Your brother's quite the brain," he observed to Alex, who was leaning forward with her elbows on the observation rail, her chin propped in one hand. "He reminds me a little of me at that age."

"I seriously doubt you were ever _that_ much of a dork," Alex said, sounding bored.

"Well, I did say _a little_," Stark observed, leaning against a console behind him and shoving his hands in his pockets. "I had you two pegged wrong, though, didn't I? You didn't use him. _He_ used _you_."

"Huh?" Alex turned her head slightly and frowned up at him. "How do you mean?"

"Oh please," Stark scoffed. "You've had about as much interest in seeing the ARC reactor as you would in seeing the pig that won the blue ribbon in last month's county fair."

Alex thought about this for a second, drumming her fingertips absently against her cheekbone.

"Honestly? I think I would've rather have seen the pig," she said. "At least _that_ I could've poked with a stick..."

Stark snorted, then lowered his chin to his chest and shook it in amusement.

"Everybody's got an angle, huh?" he chuckled. "Even Russo. He _knew_ I'd be swayed by a pretty face and a hot—_ahem_—a nice figure."

Alex flushed a little, but narrowed her eyes and pivoted her chin on her hand to look up at him.

"Justin's smart, yeah, but not devious," she observed. "Trust me, _I'm_ the one who got all those genes. He's a dork, but he's a straight-shooter all the way. Me being here is just a happy coincidence."

"Sure, it is, honey," Stark scoffed, then held up both hands and patted the air as Alex glared at him. "Hey, hey, no offense...don't get me wrong, I'm genuinely _impressed_. You need that kind of killer instinct to suceed in this business."

"Justin has no interest _in_ your business," Alex shot back, surprised to find herself growing annoyed, even a little angry. "He wouldn't hurt a fly if his life depended on it. The only reason he's here is because he wants to save the damn world!"

"What, with the ARC reactor?" Stark scoffed. "Seriously? Whatever it is he's smoking, I want some. Will he share?"

"Look, I _know_ it sounds ridiculous," Alex said, rolling her eyes—more at her own sudden, overwhelming need to defend her brother than at anything Stark had said—"but Justin's pretty good at this kinda stuff. And by pretty good, I mean _really_ good. If he thinks there's a chance, then I believe him."

Stark watched her silently for a good, long moment, long enough that Alex had to stop herself from fidgeting under his gaze. Keeping her hands on her hips, she stared back at him with what she hoped was cool defiance.

"You really do, don't you?" he said finally.

"Sure do," Alex nodded, before casting a quick glance after Justin. "Not that I'll ever admit it to _him_."

"Well, hey, if Russo can figure out a way to do something worthwhile with the ARC, more power to him," Stark said, pushing off the railing and ambling towards her. "You see what I did there? _'More power to him?'_ Because the ARC is a—nevermind. Fact is, if your big brother can manage to pull it off, he'll make my dear departed dad prouder in a single afternoon than I managed in my entire lifetime."

Alex wrinkled her nose at this. "Shyeah, he's really good at _that_, too."

"Ooo, what's this?" Stark asked, his smirk growing wider the closer he got to her. "Do I detect a bitter note of sibling rivalry? Because as an only child, I find that whole dynamic utterly fascinating."

Alex tossed her dark hair back over her shoulder, and crossed her arms beneath her breasts. She raised an eyebrow at him. "Really."

"Nah, not in the least," Stark admitted, stopping barely a foot away from her. "But I do like the way your eyes flash whenever you talk about him...both when you're bagging on him, and when you're defending him...often in the same breath. It's actually kinda sexy, in a...well, a vaguely disturbing sort of way."

Alex felt her cheeks get hot again, all the way to her ears, but didn't allow herself to break his gaze. She didn't even let herself blink. (And, y'know, the fact that he had the kind of brown eyes you could get lost in didn't hurt.)

"Justin says we have a complicated relationship," he said, without being quite sure why she was bothering to tell him this.

"No kidding," Stark said, moving even closer to her, close enough that she caught the scent of his cologne, or aftershave, or whatever it was that older dudes used when they wanted to smell good. "So you say you're the devious one, hmm? The bad seed? Just how bad _are_ you, Alex Russo?"

Alex shrugged her shoulders, suddenly conscious of just how bare they were beneath the thin straps of her sun dress. "I say what I wanna say, and I do what I wanna do. And if I don't like what I'm doing, I stop doing it. If that makes me bad, then—" she shrugged again— "whatever."

"A girl after my own heart," Stark nodded, as he ran his eyes over her face. "Anything in particular you wanna to be doing right now?"

Alex smiled and felt her stomach do another triple somersault, even as she shrugged once more, this time with a tilt of chin. "Nothing I can think of off the top of my head."

"Fortunately it's not the top of your head I'm interested in," Stark said, as he leaned in closer. (And man, he did smell really, _really_ good.) "Put it to you this way: how'd you like to do something that I think has the potential to _really_ piss your brother off?"

"Well, since you put it that way," Alex murmured a little breathlessly, even as she felt herself leaning towards him. "As long as it's for a good cause."

Without really even intending to, she lifted her heels off the floor and stood on the toes of her flip-flops. Her eyes slid clossed practically on their own as she pursed her lips and—

_"HEY! GET THE HELL AWAY FROM HER!"_

—and felt all the little invisible hairs on her skin stand up on end, as the air was split by a high-pitched, rising _"TWEEEEEEEEEEE!"_, and Stark grunted as though he'd been punched in the gut.

Alex's eyes popped back open just in time to see him stumbling backwards against the railing, arms pinwheeling wildly as he tried to regain his balance, his own eyes as wide with shock. Instinctively, Alex lurched forward, reaching for him, then ducked and covered her head with both arms as another _"TWEEEEEEEEEEE!"_ sounded behind her. A blue-white bolt of energy lanced through the air just over her head and struck Stark again in the shoulder, throwing him back into the railing again. He cried out as he tumbled backwards over it, ass over teakettle, then crashed to the floor on the other side, and lay still.

"TONY!" Her heart in her throat, Alex whipped her head around to look over her shoulder. "Justin! RDJ is—"

She broke off with a gasp as she suddenly understood where the bolt of energy had come from. There, standing about twelve yards away and staring at her, with one hand outstretched—the palm of his red gauntlet glowing as white-hot as the reactor mounted in his chest and the eye-slits in his helmet—was Iron Man.

* * *

**v.**

Alex gaped at Iron Man in shock as the room erupted into pandamonium, the white-coated engineers and technicians who manned the ARC reactor all freaking out and running for cover at once. Warning klaxxons echoed through the cavernous chamber around them. A handful of black-uniformed security guards ran into view, took one look at the scene before them, then drew their guns and opened fire. About a dozen rounds pinged and riccocheted off Iron Man's armor in the first five seconds alone, but the person inside the metallic red-and-gold suit—whoever it was—didn't even flinch once. He just stood there, impassive, hand still outstretched, letting the bullets bounce off him as he glanced around at each of the shooters calmly—almost curiously—before those eerie, glowing white eyes returned to Alex, and Stark lying on the floor beyond her.

But...wait...none of this made sense. Wasn't it Stark who _wore_ the armor in this flick? Then why had he just appeared and...shot _himself?_

She barely had a moment to wonder before he lowered his arm, and took a step towards her. Then another. The servo-motors that powered the armor's joints whined gently, barely audible over the alarms and gunfire, and his boots clanked heavily against the concrete floor, as he slowly closed the distance between them.

_"Ohshit!_ Alex gulped. With a surge of adrenaline, she scrambled upright and charged towards the arc reactor, then vaulted over the railing one-handed with a swiftness and surity that would have stunned her P.E. teacher. Crouched next to the prone form of Tony Stark, availing herself of what meager cover the railing offered, she rolled him over onto his back. Hunched over him, she pressed two fingers to his throat and turned her ear towards his nose and mouth, just like they always did on TV in situations like this. Then, relieved to find that he was still breathing and had a pulse, she reached down to dig her wand out her boot.

Or at least she would have, if she'd been _wearing_ boots, instead of the flip-flops she'd flashed herself into when she'd changed outfits. Cute and trendy though they may have been, they didn't exactly lend themselves to concealing her wand. Which, she was realizing now with a sinking feeling, was sitting in a pile of clothes that were currently sitting on the counter in Tony Stark's bathroom, all the way back in Malibu.

Oh, Christ. It was _Halloween Sorority Party Disaster_ all over again. Only, y'know, _worse_.

Wincing to herself, she raised her head a little to peer over the railing. Iron Man was still coming towards them. Two of the security guards had raced around in front of him and put themselves between him and their boss, firing like mad, but whoever it was in the suit didn't pay them any heed. He continued to advance until he'd backed them right up into the railing, then raised both hands, and—

_Hand magic._ That was the ticket. She wouldn't have a lot of juice on her own, not without her wand, but maybe she didn't need much for what she had in mind. Nodding to herself, mouth set into a tight, thin line, Alex bolted to her feet and raised her own hand at the armored menace before he could fire.

_"Literarium Terrarium Activa Caesura!_" she said, shouting to hear herself over the klaxxons, gunfire, and the building whine of Iron Man's charging repulsors.

The palm of her hand flared bright green for a moment, and a large transluscent 'Pause' symbol—two vertical lines, side by side—shimmered briefly in the air before it. And as it did, everything around her _stopped_: the blaring of the alarms, the _pop-pop-pop_ of gunfire, even the low, persistent hum of the gigantic ARC reactor behind her. Everyone stood frozen in place like living statues, unblinking and unmoving, whether they were a security guard, a cowering lab technician, or some lunatic in a sophisticated robot suit.

Alex heaved a sigh of relief as she dropped her arm to her side, then closed her eyes and lowered her chin to her chest. Holy shit, but that had been close. What the hell happened? Why was Iron Man even _here_, this early in the movie, and what did he want from Alex? Had the spell messed up? Or had casting it on the DVD as many times as Justin did wrecked it somehow?

_Oh God!_ Alex's eyes came open with a start as she suddenly remembered she wasn't alone in here. _Justin..._

"Justin?" Alex called out, her voice echoing in the silence that pressed in on her. She slowly turned in place as she scanned the room, trying to spot him in the frozen tableau of chaos surrounding her, like one of those hidden picture games she played on her Android. "Justin, where are you? Are you OK?"

No response. No sound at all but the dying echo of her own voice. Alex felt panic beginning to claw at her throat. Pausing the DVD with the _Caesura_spell shouldn't have had any more of an effect on Justin than it had on her. It only worked on the movie itself, and the characters within it...or, at least, it was _supposed_ to.

There'd been an _awful_ lot of shots fired over the past couple of minutes, though. If Justin had had been hit by a stray, or a riccochet, and she hadn't noticed in all the confusion...what would happen? Could it hurt him? Could it _kill_ him? If he died here in the movie, would the spell just snap him back to the real world, or would he actually...well, _die?_

Normally, these types of 'what if?' questions were addressed in spellbooks—usually in the section that Alex referred to as the 'blah blah blah' part before you got to the good stuff—either by the wizard who had originally researched the spell, or the members of the Wizards' Council subcommittee who'd certified it. But _Literarium Terrarium Activa_ hadn't come from a spellbook. It had never even been submitted to the Wizards' Council for certification in the first place. Mainly because the wizard who'd researched it—to use the term loosely—had been _her_. And naturally, she hadn't bothered writing a 'blah blah blah' part for her own spell. (Because, seriously, who even _read_ that stuff?)

"Justin, come on! Quit it!" Alex tried again, conscious of how much her voice was trembling. "It's safe now! Stop hiding like a little wuss and come out where I can see you!"

Again, nothing. Her brow furrowed, Alex started looking around frantically for some sign of him. Leaving Stark where he lay, she ducked beneath the railing that surrounded the ARC Reactor, and strode past the two frightened security guards who leaned back against it, frozen. Her eyes darting around the room, she barely even glanced at the menacing form of Iron Man as she stepped around him.

Until, that is, she heard the faint, muffled voice, shouting at her from within.

Doing a classic double-take, she stopped short in her tracks, then came back around to the front of him, eyes narrowed as she stared into those eerie, glowing eyes, and listened carefully for once in her life.

Yep, there it was again, a just barely audible voice calling her name, sounding alarmed, annoyed, and altogether as familiar as coming home. Exhaling sharply in a combination of relief and exasperation, Alex reached up to grab the edges of Iron Man's faceplate with her small hand, worked her fingertips under one edge, then pulled with all her might. Grunting, bracing her flip-flops against the armor's shinplates, she yanked again and again, feeling it give just a little more each time, until finally—

"GUUUHHHHHHHH!" Justin gasped, red-faced and heaving for breath, as Alex wrenched the helmet open to reveal his face. "Oh, thank God! I thought I was gonna suffocate! Whatever circulates the air in this thing shut down along with the rest of it, the second you paused the movie..."

"Jesus CHRIST, Justin!" Furious, Alex heaved the faceplate back at him, causing him to flinch as much as the frozen suit of armor would allow him as it glanced off his shoulder with a clang. "You scared the living CRAP out of me!"

"I know, I know," Justin said quickly, wearing as sheepish an expression as she'd ever seen on him. "But listen, I can explain..."

"Oh really? You can explain why you just tried to KILL Robert Downey Jr. with his own suit?"

"I was not trying to kill him! Repulsor blasts aren't lethal, not at the setting I shot him with, anyway. And technically he's Tony Stark, not—"

"Why the HELL were you shooting him in the _first_ place? I just get through telling him you wouldn't hurt a fly, and bam! Next thing I know, you're hijacking his robot suit and lighting him up like a goddamned mosquito caught in Grandma's bug zapper!"

"I didn't light him up," Justin protested. "I hit him twice. With a very controlled, low-level repulsor burst. At worst, he's suffered a—look, can we argue about this _after_ you've gotten me out of the suit? I'm starting to cramp up, here!"

"No," Alex replied, crossing her arms beneath her breasts and tilting her head to one side. "Where the hell did you _get_ the suit from, anyway? I thought he hadn't built it, yet."

Justin closed his eyes, and let out a sound that was half-sigh, half-groan.

"Alright look," he said, in a low voice. "I was over there, looking over the specs for the ARC Reactor, when I saw him leaning in to try and kiss you, and...and I wanted to get him away from you, and...well, maybe I used my wand to summon the armor from later on in the movie, pulled it back here and flashed myself into it."

Alex blinked at him, startled. "Wow, really? You can do that?"

"I dunno, I guess so," Justin said. "It wasn't really a conscious decision on my part, to be honest. I just kind of...did it on impulse, I guess. Like I said, I wanted to get him away from you, and using the suit to do it was the first thing that popped into my head. Which is only natural, given what movie we're in..."

"Sure it is, dork," Alex snorted, rolling her eyes towards the ceiling. "But then why didn't you say anything after you'd zapped him? You just came at me..."

"I tried, but I couldn't get the external speakers to work," Justin said. "What little chance I had to study the armor earlier, I was focussing mainly on the power system, which the repulsors figure into pretty heavily. Just getting it to walk was tricky enough. I figured I'd grab you and flash us out, then explain later. But then the guards came in, and...well, then everything kind of..."

"Went to shit, yeah," Alex said, with a shake of her head. She reached up and patted him on the cheek, none too gently. "Good plan, nerdbutt."

"It wasn't a plan, Alex," Justin growled, trying and failing to jerk his turn his face away. "I just...I couldn't let Stark to take advantage of you like that."

"Take _advantage_ of me?" Alex scoffed. She cocked an eyebrow at him. "Pfft, as if. Justin, has it occurred to you that maybe I _wanted_ him to kiss me?"

"What?" Justin's grey-green eyes widened, his expression quickly turning as red as the helmet surrounding it. "Alex, he's three times your age!"

"He's Robert Downey Jr.! You think I give a shit?"

Justin's nostrils flaired at this. "I am _so_ telling Mom and Dad when we get back home."

"Go right ahead," Alex shot back. "Trust me, _Mom_ will understand."

"I—" Justin apparently reconsidered whatever he was about to say, because he just clicked his tongue and shook his head ever so slightly. "Look, would you please just flash me out of this thing, already?"

"Ugh, fine," Alex groaned, as though he was asking her to perform the most complicated spell in the history of wizardry. "But you owe me."

Alex snapped her fingers, and with a flash of light, Justin disappeared from inside the armored suit, then reappeared right next to it, his arms raised in the exact same pose. He groaned as he lowered them, rolling his shoulders to work out the kinks.

"Thanks," he said, his voice edged with sarcasm, as he reached back to fish his wand out of the back pocket of his jeans. "You ready to get out of here?"

"Well, wait...what about the ark thingee, egghead?" Alex asked, jerking one thumb over her shoulder at the silent reactor behind her. "This is the closest you've ever gotten, right? Don't you want to find some plans, or blueprints or something that you can bring home with you and...I dunno, do whatever it is nerds like you do with plans and blueprints?"

"No, there's no point," Justin sighed, looking past her and getting a good last look at it. "I got a decent enough look at the specs to know that they're basically nonsense. Gobbledygook. Stark's right, the ARC reactor is pretty much a no-go. It's powered more by movie-logic than palladium."

"Well, that's too bad," Alex said, patting him on the shoulder. "So there's no way even a hopeless science geek like you could make it work in the real world?"

"Not without it being perfectly obvious that magic was involved, even to mortals, much less the Wizards' Council," Justin said bitterly. "It would mean creating an entirely new element, one that doesn't yet exist on the periodic table, to replace palladium as its core. And honestly, how feasible is_that_? There's technobabble, and then there's utter fairy tale nonsense. Suspension of disbelief only goes so far, y'know."

"Only you would know, and/or care," Alex replied, leaning on his shoulder while examining the nails on her other hand. Before Justin could cast the spell, Alex looked up and cast a final glance at the frozen nightmare of chaos they were leaving behind. "Say, what happens to all this once we're gone? This isn't how the movie's supposed to go. Did we, like, change history for them, or whatever?"

"No, the movie resets itself as soon as we leave," Justin said. "Any changes we've made completely undo themselves. For Stark and the others, it'll be like none of this ever happened. They won't even remember it."

"Awww, so he won't remember me?" Alex pouted, tilting her head to one side as she looked to where Stark lay on the floor. "How sad for him."

"Uh huh," Justin said. He raised his wand, then hesitated and frowned at her. "Wait, isn't this _your_ spell? Shouldn't you _know_ something like that?"

"Yeah, well...there's a lot of things about how this spell works that I kind of glossed over," Alex admitted. "And I'm starting to think maybe we should figure them out if we're gonna keep using it."

"Well, we _do_ have all summer," Justin said. "It could be fun, going back to the drawing board, reverse-engineering and tinkering with it. Kind of like Tony Stark reworking and refining the Iron Man, all throughout the movie..."

"Wow, your idea of fun is _so_ very different from mine, " Alex said flatly.

"And seeing as how my plan to build a fully-functional ARC reactor by September has gone by the wayside," Justin continued, "I do suddenly find myself with an abundance of free time."

"Good," Alex smiled. "Because by _'we'_, I really meant _'you.'_"

Justin narrowed his eyes at her. "I'll _help_ to work out all the kinks, but only if you agree to submit the finished product for official spell certification as soon as we're done."

"Certification? Ugh, seriously?"

"Seriously. We split the credit and all residuals 50/50."

"Snkt, whatever! 90/10!"

"60/40."

"Don't insult me," Alex sneered. "95/5."

Justin rolled his eyes. "You're going the wrong way, Alex."

"Not from where I'm sitting, egghead."

"70/30," Justin countered, "and I _don't_ tell dad about you trying to make out with Robert Downey Jr. Because, trust me, he _won't_ understand."

"Hmm, interesting." Alex raised her chin slightly, and looked at him through slitted eyes. "Throw in being my alibi for a prank to be pulled later, and you've got yourself a deal."

"Done," Justin nodded, extending his right hand towards her. Alex took it in hers and shook it.

"You drive a hard bargain, Russo," she said with a sly smile. "I may have been wrong about you. You just might have a killer instinct in you, after all."

"Oh, Alex," Justin said back, "the things you _don't_ know about me could fill volumes."

Their right hands were still clasped together when Justin raised his wand in his left, gave it a twirl, intoning _"Literarium Terrarium Activa_". And suddenly, with a bright flash of light, and a slight tinking noise, they were gone...

* * *

**vi.**

Crouched next to his antique black and red hot rod, in the garage of his Malibu mansion, Tony Stark peered into the engine casing and held out his right hand expectantly. "Hey, hand me the socket wrench, willya?"

A heartbeat passed, then another, but no socket wrench appeared in his hand. Tony grimaced at his empty palm, then looked up and around at the massive underground workshop. Aside from "Dummy", the massive robotic arm on wheels that stared back at him from the opposite side of the garage, he was completely alone down here.

_"I beg your pardon, sir,"_ came JARVIS' voice, from everywhere all at once, _"but were you speaking to me?"_

Well, as alone as he ever got, anyway...

"No, not you, J," Tony replied, wearing a puzzled frown. "I just...I had the weirdest feeling for a second that there was someone else here. Like...deja vu, or something."

_"Deja vu actually refers to the sensation of having said or experienced something before,"_ JARVIS pointed out, because he was annoying that way.

"Yeah, that too," Tony said, reaching up to absently stroke his goatee, as an absent thought struck him. "Hey JARVIS, would you dust off all my dad's notes and schematics from the ARC reactor, and send 'em to the secure server on the jet? I feel like giving 'em a once-over while Rhodey and I are in-flight to Afghanastan."

_"A surprising bit of non-sequitor, but certainly,"_ JARVIS replied. _"Feeling nostalgic? It's been years since you last viewed those files."_

"No, it's not that, I just...I dunno," Tony said with a shrug. "It's weird. It's just on my mind for some reason. Can't hurt to give it another look, though, can it? Go back to the drawing board? Who knows, maybe I'll finally have the breakthrough my old man never found."

_"Perhaps, sir,_" JARVIS said smoothly. _"The requested files have been transferred. Your flight with Colonel Rhodes is due to depart on schedule in one hour and twenty-three minutes."_

"Well...one hour and twenty-three minutes_-ish,_" Tony said, scooping the crescent wrench up out of his toolbox and crouching back over the engine casing. "It's my plane. It can wait for me. Schedules were made to be broken, after all."

**—30—**

* * *

**Disclaimer, the Second:** Sadly, the cinematic world of _Iron Man_ and all its characters don't belong to me, either. Ironically, they're now owned by a lot of the same people who also own _Wizards_. Damn you, lucky people! Damn you all to hell!


	2. Chapter 2: Everything You Ever

**II. Everything You Ever**

**Summary: **Justin drags Alex along on yet another mission of cinematic redemption, because a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. Everyone's a hero in their own way, so they say, but when Alex tries to lend a caring hand, will it lead to a brand new day? Or will events take a horrible turn?

**Spoilers:** OK, I usually don't telegraph these things, but if you haven't seen _Dr. Horrible's Sing-along Blog_ yet, please stop right here. Then slap yourself a few times for your silly short-sightedness, and go watch it. Because, seriously, you're missing out. Really. (Oh, and there's also a few minor spoilers for episode 3.22, _"Captain Jim Bob Sherwood"_, but that's neither here nor there.)

**Disclaimer:** Over two years and fifteen fanfics later, I still don't own _Wizards of Waverly Place_, more's the pity. Nor do I own _Dr. Horrible_, but that's not quite as big a deal to me.

**Author's Note:** I hadn't intended to follow the Iron Man chapter with yet another super-person-themed installment, but I found myself inspired when _Dr. Horrible_ premiered on the CW a few weeks ago. Don't blame me, blame my muse. (And for my long-time readers curious about the fate of _OTP_, don't fret: the next chapter is half-written, and will go up soon. I just had to get this out of the way first.)

* * *

**ii.**

And then suddenly, with a bright flash of light and a slight tinkling noise, they appeared. In the middle of the sidewalk. On a very busy street. In broad daylight. In what appeared to be downtown Los Angeles. Alex gave a start as she took all this in, and hurriedly dropped her brother's hand and hid her still-glowing wand behind her back. It was a pretty feeble attempt to hide the truth of what had just happened, even by Alex's standards. But despite the fact that they'd just materialized out of thin air, nobody else on the street seemed terribly concerned. Or even gave them so much as a second glance, for that matter. Even the woman with the baby carriage, who'd had to stop suddenly to keep from crashing into them when they'd appeared in her path, merely shot her a look of annoyance as her baby started to cry.

"Pardon us, ma'am," Justin said smoothly, even as he grabbed Alex by the wrist and started tugging her towards the street. "Terribly sorry about that."

"Well, I should certainly hope so!" the young mother snapped after them. She leaned forward to pick up her crying infant, and raised her voice to be heard over it as she cradled it to her chest to comfort it. "Why don't you idiots ever watch where you're popping in?"

Alex blinked at her over her shoulder, then nearly stumbled off the curb as Justin pulled her into the road, to weave their way through the gridlocked traffic.

"Justin, why isn't she freaked out?" she asked, as he towed her around the front of a yellow cab. "And why aren't _you_ freaked out that _she _isn't freaked out?"

"Because superpowers are relatively commonplace, here," Justin said, without looking back at her. "These people probably see folks teleport in and out all the time. C'mon, keep up."

"Oh _great_," Alex groaned. "Lemme guess, we're in _another _one of your dorky superhero movies?"

"No, Alex," Justin sighed. "Well...actually, yes. Sort of. But not really...look, it's complicated, OK? And I don't have time to explain."

"So who asked you to?" Alex scoffed, as she dodged around the front end of a yellow cab. The driver made a rude gesture at her, so she flipped him the bird right back. "Do you ever watch _anything _that doesn't have capes, or Klingons, or lightsabers in it? Crap like this is why you keep getting pantsed in P.E. You know that, right?"

"This one is different," Justin insisted. "You'll like it, OK? You liked _Buffy the Vampire Slayer,_ didn't you?"

"Ugh, that's exactly what you said when you made me watch that stupid space-western show," said Alex, wrinkling her nose. "And OK, I'll admit Captain Tightpants was reasonably hot, but you can keep your crazy space incest to yourself, thank you very much."

Justin gave a frustrated grunt as he pulled her up onto the curb on the opposite side of the street. "Alex, for the last time, Simon and River Tam are not—"

"Psh, whatever! They were _totally _doing it. Maybe not right up there on the screen for everyone to see, but trust me. It's sub-sexed."

"Sub_text_!" Justin snapped, stopping in his tracks so abruptly that she ran into the back of him. He turned on his heels to glare at her. "The word is _subtext_!"

"Oh," Alex blinked at him, then shrugged one shoulder. "Well, I like my word better."

Justin opened his mouth to reply, then apparently thought better of it and slowly exhaled instead.

"Listen, could we please just focus, here?"

"Focus on what, exactly? You haven't even told me what you're doing here, dorkface!"

"The only thing I need you to do is keep out of the way," Justin snapped. "The only reason I brought you at all is so you wouldn't pop in unexpectedly and mess everything up like you did last time."

"Hey, that was _so _not my fault!" Alex protested. "I'm not the one who put on a robot suit and went all rampagey just because RDJ made a pass at—"

She broke off as Justin abruptly turned and started walking briskly towards a large, old-looking building ahead of him, forcing Alex to jog a few steps to catch up. The long, white banner that fluttered gently in the breeze above the front doors read _"Caring Hands Homeless Shelter - Grand Opening"_.

"Jesus, egghead, what's your big hurry?" Alex asked. "You literally just _got _this DVD. Don't you want to watch it at least once before we skip to the end and start messing with it?"

"I've already seen it," Justin said, huffing slightly as he hurried up the steps. "I know exactly what I have to do."

"Ohhhhhhhh no," Alex groaned. "I know that tone of voice. This is another one of your stupid little missions, isn't it? Where you 'let justice prevail' and 'put right what once went wrong'?"

"Stop making air quotes at me," Justin snapped over his shoulder. "And they're not stupid. Captain Jim Bob Sherwood would approve. And Sam Beckett would understand."

"Who, you mean the play-writing guy?"

"No, not the—!" Justin stopped short again at the top of the steps and stared at her in surprise. "Wait, you actually know that there was a playwright named Sam Beckett?"

"Duh," Alex snorted as she stepped up next to him and smoothed out her skirt over her tights. "I had to do a report on him last semester for English, so me and Harper pulled him out of a picture on Wikipedia so she could interview him for me. Dude was kinda funny, in a sarcastic way, but emo as _shit_."

Justin gaped at her. "You're kidding me."

"True story, swear to God. Harper popped a huge lady-boner over him, too. She even wanted to show him some modern theatre, but all we could get tickets for last-minute at that booth in Times Square was _Avenue Q_. And he got all bitchy about it, and demanded we send him back. Right in the middle of _The Internet Is For Porn_. _Huge_ scene, it was this whole big thing. But I mean, who can blame him, right? Because ugh, musicals are...what? Why are you looking at me like that?"

Staring at her as though she'd suddenly grown a third eye on her forehead, Justin slowly shook his head in a combination of amazement and disgust. Without taking his eyes off her, he silently reached out and yanked open one of the large double-doors at the entrance. Holding it open, he gestured with his other hand for her to enter. Alex rolled her eyes at him, but smiled nevertheless. Justin Russo, ever the gentleman, even with the little sister who drove him batshit most of the time.

"Look, egghead," she said to him as she stepped through, "the whole point of me researching this stupid spell for us in the first place was to have _fun _with it, not for you to—what the fuck?"

This time it was Alex's turn to stop short as she realized she'd walked into the middle of a full-blown musical number. A large man in a brown T-shirt and black rubber gloves, with a—was that a hammer on his chest?—was pacing back and forth on a stage at the front of the room as he belted out a song to an orchestral accompaniment that seemed to come from everywhere at once. The audience arrayed before him swayed in their folding chairs in time to the music, utterly transfixed by him. Several of them, Alex couldn't help but notice, looked suspiciously like homeless people.

**"Everyone's a hero in their own way  
Everyone's got something they can do  
Get up, get out and fly  
Especially that guy, he smells like poo"**

"Oh, good," Justin said from behind her, with a sigh of relief. "We haven't missed it."

"Justin, where the hell have you brought me?" Alex growled, eyeing him suspiciously. "And why the hell is that dude singing?"

_"Shhhhh!" _somebody from the audience hissed, and several of them actually turned in their seats to glare at them, even a few of the homeless-looking ones. Alex glared right back, but Justin grabbed her by the wrist and dragged her up the middle aisle, to sit in two of the unoccupied folding chairs near the back. For his part, the tall signing dude up at the front didn't seem to have noticed them, so wrapped up was he in singing that all of them—but mostly him—were heroes. In their own way.

"God," Alex observed, "what a douchecanoe!"

_"Shhhhhh!" _somebody hissed again. Alex glanced around, to see two girls and a beefy guy in matching brown shirts with Hammer-dude's face on them—some kind of groupies, apparently—in the row ahead giving her stink-eye. Snorting at them, she started to get back to her feet, only to have Justin tug her back down again.

"Alex, keep your voice down!" Justin hissed in her ear. "We don't want to draw attention to ourselves!"

"Well, maybe you should have thought about that before you dragged me into the middle of a production number, Justin!" Alex hissed back. "What the hell is this, some kind of superhero musical?"

"It's an _internet _musical, actually," Justin corrected her. "That, yes, happens to feature superheroes. But it's really more about a supervill—"

"_What did I _just_ say about musicals!"_ Alex snarled under her breath. "I've vaporized every single copy of _Camp Rock 2_ that Harper's brought home for a reason! Even the one she got off Netflix! I don't _do _musicals, Justin!"

"Look, it's only for a few minutes, OK? Just one more song after this one, and we're—"

"_'One more after this one?' _Are you shitting me?"

"—home free," Justin finished, ignoring her. "All you have to do is sit here, not cause a disruption, and let me do my thing. Then we're out of here. We're talking ten minutes, tops."

"Ugh, fine!" Alex huffed. She slouched back in her chair and crossed her arms over her chest. "But you'd better not expect me to sing along, because it is _so _not happening!"

Justin actually chuckled at that. "Yeah, no. I've watched you play _Rock Band _with Max and Harper, Alex. Trust me, the last thing anyone wants is for you to sing."

Alex shot him a withering look—because, dammit, the only reason they kept failing on _"Together, Forever" _was because Max was absolute crap on bass guitar—then shook her head and turned her attention back to the douchecanoe up at the front, singing something about being "poverty's new sherrif". She blinked as a sudden realization struck her, then leaned forward in her seat and squinted.

"Hey wait, isn't that Captain Tightpants?"

"Ethcuthe _you_, but hith name ith Captain _Hammer!_" Groupie #3 hissed, turning partway around in his own chair to sneer at her. "Now would you kindly thtuff a thock in it already?"

"Hey!" Justin said. "Buddy, that's my sis—"

"Justin," Alex broke in, holding up one palm towards him to cut him off, then laid it on the shoulder of the scowling groupie as she smiled prettily at him.

"Try and shush me just one more time, dude," she whispered, her smile growing wider and tighter, "they'll be calling _you _the Colostomy Bag Kid. You get me, big man?"

The lisping groupie's eyes went wide, even as his complexion faded to a deathly pale. Glancing from Alex to Justin and back again, he muttered something under his breath then spun stiffly around in his seat to face forward again, where Captain Hammer (née Tightpants) was insisting he didn't care if most of his audience was made up of scary, alcoholic bums.

**"EVERYBODY!" **he shouted, waving for them all to join in.

"Pfft, hardly!" Alex snorted, even as practically everyone else in the room raised their arms and began to sway in unison...except for Justin, who was staring at her with something approaching stunned amazement.

"Oh, what are _you_ looking at?" she asked. "Justin, I've slayed a _dragon_, for Christ's sake. You think I can't handle some oversized fanboy with a speech impediment? I don't _need _you to stick up for me. I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself."

"Oh hey, no question," Justin said quietly. "It's not that at all. I'm frankly just shocked that you actually know what a colostomy bag is."

"Oh I know, right?" Alex beamed. "I think I got it from _Grey's Anatomy _or something. Isn't it amazing what I retain?"

**"Everyone's a hero in their own way," **Captain Hammerpants sang, as he hopped back up onto the stage.

_"(We're heroes, too)," _the audience sang back in unison as they swayed, somehow managing to spontanously harmonize with one another.

**"Everyone can blaze a hero's trail."**

_"(We're just like you!)"_

"Jesus, this is creepy," Alex said, as her eyes swept over the crowd. "Remember the time the zombie horde attacked my anti-prom? And we hand to dance-battle them? Even _that _was way less creepy that this."

"Mmm-hmm," Justin muttered, but he wasn't really listening. His attention was drawn not to the front of the room, but to the rear, where a large red cloth was draped over...well, something.

**"Don't worry if it's hard If you're not a friggin' tard You will prevail!"**

"Hey, what's under there?" Alex asked, as she took notice of it for the first time.

"Hammer _thinks _that it's a statue of him that the city's dedicating in his honor for confronting the homelessness problem," Justin replied, watching it expectantly. "But it's not."

**"Everyone's a hero in their own way."**

_"(We're heroes too.)"_

"OK, and...?" Alex prompted, because that really hadn't answered her question. "What's _really _under there, then?"

**"Everyone's a hero in their—"**

And then as if on cue, the red cloth was thrown aside and fluttered to the ground, and a brilliant flash of blue light burst out from within. It was so bright that, even though she turned her head away and shut her eyes tight, Alex still saw coloured spots dancing in the blackness. This was accompanied by a high-pitched sound that could only be characterized as a "zap", as well as a few surprised gasps from the crowd surrounding her. And then...

**_"MU-HU-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"_**

"Him," Justin said quietly into the shocked silence that followed, right before the piano chords started.

Blinking away the last of the lights from her vision, Alex tried to get her eyes to focus...and found herself staring at Captain Hammer, frozen in place behind the podium, and glowing a bright, pulsing blue. Confused, Alex turned to Justin for an explanation, only to see him still staring with open awe at the pedestal where Captain Hammerpants had supposedly expected his statue to be. With a frown, she twisted around in her own seat to see what the big deal was. There, she discovered a boyish-looking blonde dude in an oversized white lab coat, with a pair of large, dark goggles perched on his head. He sneered in malevolent triumph as he stepped out from behind the tripod-mounted ray gun that stood on the pedestal, the tip of it also glowing a bright, pulsing blue.

"Ohhhhhhh, _I_ get it!" Alex said, as she watched him step down and begin to creep up the aisle in time with the eerie piano chords. "He's an _evil scientist_, and that's a _freeze ray_! Wait, but isn't that Barney from _How I Met Your Mother_?"

She realized she'd said this too loud when he frowned and cocked an eyebrow at her as he passed.

_"Alex...!" _Justin grunted through clenched teeth beside her.

"Oh, sorry dude," Alex said patting the air with both hands. "Go on and have your moment. My bad."

Evil Scientist Barney's puzzled frown frown deepened a little for a second or two, before he shook his head sharply, and apparently put her out of his mind as he began to sing:

_**"Look at these people  
Amazing how sheep will  
Show up for the slaughter"**_

Alex watched him for a moment, making sure he'd forgotten about her, before she turned back to Justin and opened her mouth to ask what he was planning.

_**"No one condemning you  
Lined up like lemmings you  
Led to the water"**_

But Justin wasn't there—he was already up out of his seat, and was up on the pedestal, prying open a panel on the side of Evil Scientist Barney's freeze ray, and fiddling with its insides.

**_"Why can't they see what I see?  
Why can't they hear the lies?"_**

Sparing another glance up the aisle—where Evil Scientist Barney was mounting the steps towards the frozen Captain Hammerpants—Alex leaned forward to fish her wand out of the side of her boot, then spun it in a tight circle, out of sight near the floor.

_**"Maybe the fee's too pricey  
For them to realize  
Your disguise is slipping"**_

_"Literarium Terrarium Activa Caesura!_" she said, whispering so that no one would hear her over the music, and Evil Scientist Barney's singing.

The tip of her wand flared bright green for a moment, and a large transluscent 'Pause' symbol—two vertical lines, side by side—shimmered briefly in the air before it.

_**"I think you're slip—"**_

Everything around her _stopped_: the creepy piano chords, Evil Scientist Barney's warbling, even the low, persistent hum of the freeze ray behind her. Everyone stood frozen in place like living statues, unblinking and unmoving, whether they were a smelly hobo, a cowering fanboy groupie, or some lunatic in a lab coat and enormous white, rubber gloves.

"There," she said proudly, holstering her wand back in her boot and standing up. She turned around and beamed at Justin, before brushing off her palms as though at the end of a hard day's work. "You're welcome, egghead."

"What the—?" Justin blinked at the guts of the freeze ray, then looked at her with a grimace. "Alex, what did you just do?"

"What do you think, nerdbutt? I paused the DVD so you could sabatoge Evil Scientist Barney's little ray gun without him noticing. Duh!" Alex hopped up onto the pedestal across from him, on the other side of it. "That's what we're here to do, right? Make it go boom, or whatever, so that Captain Hammerpants can get unfrozen and knock Evil Scientist Barney's adorable little block off for truth, justice and the blah blah blah?"

"No, that's not what we're here to—wait, adorable? You think Dr. Horrible is cute?"

"His name is _Doctor Horrible_? Really? Snkt! Even Professor Eviltini had a better supervillain name, and hers sounds like a drink you'd make with with rum and cherry Coke." She turned to look up on the stage, where Dr. Horrible was frozen in mid-sneer next to Captain Hammerpants, and shrugged. "Sure, I guess he's kinda cute. I mean, he's better-looking when he's suited-up on HIMYM, but even dressed like you, he's—"

"How is _he_ dressed like _me_?" Justin cut her off, looking down at himself. "I'm wearing a _Star Wars _T-shirt and jeans!"

"I mean when you're in your room doing your stupid mad-scientist robot experiments, dork," Alex said, rolling her eyes. "You look just like that: lab coat, welding goggles. OK, you don't have the gloves, but...say, what's the deal with that, anyway? Why do they both have on these big rubber gloves? Is that a thing here?"

"Alex..." Justin closed his eyes and sighed, faux-patiently, then let out his breath slowly as he inwardly counted to ten. "Look, I know you're trying to help, if I'm actually going to fix this thing, I need the power to be flowing so I can determine why exactly it shorts out, first. So could you please unpause everything and stay out of the way like I asked you to?"

"But, Justin...if I do that, won't Doc Horri-Barney there notice you fooling around with his ray gun thingie and, like, go batshit?"

Hunched over and poking at the innards of the freeze ray again with a miniature screwdriver, Justin shook his head. "No, as long as Captain Hammer stays frozen, I think he'll be too wrapped up his song to notice."

"What are you, high? We're right out in the open! There's no way he's going to miss—"

"He's a supervillain, Alex," Justin sighed. "Monologuing obliviously while the heroes tamper with his fiendish death trap is what supervillains _do_. He's just doing it in song, that's all. It's a trope, look it up. Now would you hurry up and _resumo_, already?"

"All right, geez. Forgive me for trying to help." Frowning at him, Alex hitched her knee up to her chest and fished her wand back out of her boot. Holding it aloft, she started to give it a twist, then stopped as a sudden thought struck her.

"Hang on, did you just say you were trying to _fix_ it?" she asked, confused. "You meant to say _wreck _it, right? Because I thought NPH was playing the bad guy, here..."

"Dammit, Alex!" Slapping the top of the freeze ray and standing up just enough to glare at her over the top of it, Justin pointed at her with the screwdriver, his grey eyes flaring angrily. "Stop wasting my time and just do it! Now!"

"OK, OK! Jesus, calm down already!" Unnerved, Alex stepped back off the podium to put some distance between her and her brother, then raised her wand and spun it in a circle. "_Literarium Terrarium Activa Resumo_."

The tip of her wand again flared a bright green, as a large transluscent 'Play' symbol briefly shimmered in the air above it. Immediately the room around them swung back into motion, with nobody showing any awareness of the fact that they'd stopped. Even the creepy piano chords resumed as Doc Horri-Barney picked up his song right where he'd left off. But even as he started to walk back up the aisle towards them, he didn't even spare the freeze ray a second glance, so intent was he on creeping out his uneasy captive audience.

God, but it annoyed her whenever Justin was right about things. The fact that it happened so goddamned often only made it worse.

Snorting to herself in disgust, Alex threw herself into the nearest empty chair and—without even bothering to put her wand away—crossed her arms over her chest. Ignoring Justin, barely paying attention to Doc Horri-Barney as he stalked back and forth and sang about cavemen and thunder, she pouted. Hard. So hard that she thought she might actually sprain her bottom lip from jutting it out so far.

But long seconds passed, and Justin still hadn't given in. Still hadn't dropped everything and flocked to her side to apologize and try to make everything OK, like he usually did when she made him feel guilty for snapping at her and/or not letting her have her way. Curious, she risked a glance over her shoulder to see what was taking him so long...and then her jaw dropped as she realized he'd completely forgotten about her altogether. Squinting into the open side of the freeze ray, poking at it with the screwdriver in one hand and some kind of electrical doo-dad in the other, his face bathed in an eerie blue glow, it was as though all of his attention was actually focussed on what he was doing.

Furious, Alex stood up, balling her hands into fists at her sides, clutching her wand so tightly that her knuckles went white. She opened her mouth to call out Justin's name...then broke off as, to her left, Dr. Horri-Barney pulled a second, smaller but more threatening-looking ray gun out of his coat, and opened fire.

Granted, it was only the ceiling that he fired at, and though it flashed a bright, angry red, even that didn't seem all that worse for the experience. But the crowd screamed and began to scatter all the same. Even the creepy piano chords reacted, growing harder and more aggressive as they were suddenly backed by a full orchestra.

**_"Go ahead – run away  
Say it was horrible  
Spread the word – tell a friend  
Tell them the tale  
Get a pic – do a blog  
Heroes are over with  
Look at him – not a word  
Hammer, meet nail!"_**

"Justin!" Alex cried out, crossing to the podium and jumping up onto it. "Justin, we have to—!"

"Kinda busy here, Alex!" Justin said, without looking up from whatever he was doing with the freeze ray.

Gawking at him, Alex reached over the top of the freeze ray to flick him on the ear. Justin flinched in pain, then picked his head up to glare back at her.

"Alex, what the H-E-double-hockey-sticks do you think you're—?"

"Would you look at what's going on?" Alex pointed stiff-armed to her left, where Doc Horri-Barney was indiscriminantly waving his gun at the fleeing crowd as he sang. "We have to _do _something!"

"I _am _doing something!" Justin snarled, as he reached back into the freeze ray. Sparks leapt from within as he touched it with the electrical doo-hickey, whatever it was.

"Well, whatever you're doing, do it faster!" Alex flinched as Doc Horri-Barney shot the ceiling again, bathing the room in an eerie flickering red glow. "He's gonna _kill _somebody with that thing!"

"Yes, that's why it's called a Death Ray," Justin snarked. "Look, he's not hurting anyone with it, just scaring people. And if you'll just shut up for a minute and let me finish what I'm doing here, nobody _will _get hurt, OK?"

"But Justin—!"

"Alex!" Though he clearly didn't want to, Justin tore his eyes away from the sparking innards of the freeze ray just long enough to look into hers. "You _have_ to trust me. Please. I _know _what I'm doing. It'll be all right."

Alex opened her mouth to protest, then slowly closed it again, and simply nodded.

"OK," Justin said, sparing her a tight smile before he looked back into the guts of the freeze ray. "Just give me a few seconds, here..."

Letting out a shaky breath, Alex turned her head to watch Doc Horri-Barney again, curious as to why the music had gotten all quiet and tense again. The mad scientist had stopped singing, stopped intimidating the audience, and was casting his gaze about the room as though he were looking for somebody. Alex raised her wand defensively, ready to fire off a curse the second his eyes landed on her and Justin...but oddly, they never did.

_**"No sign of Penny  
Good — I would do anything  
Not to have her see"**_

Satisfied that he hadn't found whoever it was he was looking for—this "Penny" chick, she assumed—Horri-Barney hefted his death ray in both hands and mounted the steps towards the stage, and the frozen Captain Hammerpants.

_**"It's gonna be bloody  
Head up Billy buddy  
There's no time for mercy"**_

He raised the ray gun, pointed it at Hammer's head, seemed to hesitate...

"Justin...!" Alex urged him, wand still held at the read, her eyes darting between Horrible's back, and the glowing tip of the still-functioning freeze ray.

"I know, I know, I know!" Justin muttered. "Hang on, I think I've fixed it..."

The music grew loud and ominous again as Horrible took a deep breath to steel himself, then raised the death ray once more, and pressed it to Captain Hammer's forehead.

**_"Here goes no mercy...!"_**

And finally—trust him or not—Alex couldn't wait on Justin any longer.

_"Before this douche can fire his beam, wrap him in a containment stream!" _she shouted.

Flicking her wand at him like she was cracking a whip, she fired a crackling ribbon of indigo-cyan lighting at him. Horrible cried out in pain and surprise as it struck him in the back, then coiled itself around him like an electrified boa constrictor, pinning his arms to his sides in the process.

"Ahhh-owwww!" he yelped, as the music broke off abruptly. Shuddering like an epileptic on a caffeine drip, he looked down at himself, and the ribbons of blue-red energy surrounding him. "What the hell is—? Oh, _balls!_"

Beside her, Justin jerked fully upright, his eyes and mouth forming three perfect circles as he looked from Alex, to the struggling Dr. Horrible, and back again.

"Alex, no!" he yelled, lunging over the freeze ray to grab at her wrist with both hands. "Stop! You don't understand!"

"Let go, Justin!" she snarled back, wrenching her arm to the side, out of his grasp. "I've got this!"

Tugging back on her wand so forcefully had an immediate effect on the confinement beam, pulling it backwards and yanking Doctor Horrible right off his feet.

"Mother—!" he blurted out as he sailed backwards off the steps, losing his grip on the death ray in the process. The ray gun flew up out of his hands, bounced off the edge of the podium with a loud _crack _and a shower of bright read sparks, then hurtled towards the floor—

_("Noooooooo!" _Justin screamed at the top of his lungs, right before he hurled himself bodily at Alex.)

—where it suddenly exploded on impact in a brilliant scarlet flash, letting loose an expanding shockwave that rippled just above Alex's head as Justin crash-tackled her off the pedestal, scalding her scalp with prickly head and singeing the ends of her hair. As her world turned itself sideways, jagged, sizzling pieces of shrapnel shot off in all directions, whistling through the air to embed themselves in the walls, floors, ceiling, and even in the podium directly in front of the still-frozen Captain Hammer. She had maybe a half-second to marvel at how lucky he was not to have been impaled before she hit the ground, crying out as Justin's shoulder drove the wind out of her. Her wand slipped from her grasp and rolled a few inches away, momentarily forgotten. The containment stream that arced from its tip disappeared into nothingness.

Alex couldn't tell how long she lay curled into a fetal position on the floor, coughing and gasping desperately as she struggled to get her breath back. It felt like an eternity before the dark spots stopped dancing before her eyes. She kept waiting for Justin to help her, the way he always did, to lift her up onto her feet and check her over for cuts and bruises, with his soulful grey eyes brimming over with worry. But it never happened.

And so Alex was pretty pissed off when she finally forced herself upright, groaning and still a little out of breath. The feeling was only compounded when she realized that Justin not only seemed completely unconcerned, but wasn't even paying attenion to her in the first place. Glaring daggers at his back, she snatched her wand up off the floor where it lay, then took a step forward and punched him in the shoulder, hard.

"Thanks for the help, jerkface," she said, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "I'm fine, by the way, in case you were worried you'd killed me, or whatever."

But Justin didn't reply, didn't even flinch away from the blow or complain about how he easily he bruised, like he normally did. He just stood there, shoulders slumped, facing away from her towards...well, who cared what it was? It wasn't her, and that's all that mattered.

_"Hey!"_ she said, reaching out and snapping her fingers right in front of his face. "Egghead! I am _talking _to—!"

Justin surprised her by grabbing her hand and pulling it down out of his field of vision, slowly but deliberately, his grip uncomfortably tight, bordering on painful. But he still didn't look at her, didn't even so much as blink. Alex narrowed her eyes at him, huffed in frustration, then finally glanced in the direction he was staring, to see what the big deal was.

And then, despite herself, she gasped.

Dr. Horrible knelt on the floor near the front of the room, just of to the side, his back to them, his entire body shaking like a leaf on a tree. And before him, slumped against the wall, was a pale, pretty redhead in a modest dress and sensible cardigan, breathing rapidly, with two pieces of jagged shrapnel sticking out of her chest.

"Oh my God!" Alex said, taking a step towards them. But Justin tugged roughly on her hand, holding her back, and shook his head. "We have to—!"

"It's too late," he said quietly, his voice raw with emotion.

Alex turned to look at him—at the defeated expression on his face, at the way his eyes misted over, as they tended to whenever his "allergies" were acting up—then looked back. Shifting her hand in his, she gripped it back just as tightly, as they watched the redhead murmur something she couldn't hear, right before the light went out of her eyes, and her head lolled to the left. Watching her, Dr. Horrible reached uncertainly towards her, and then just...deflated...right before their eyes, as though his entire world had just ended, right along with hers.

Alex swallowed hard against the twin lumps that had suddenly appeared on either side of her windpipe.

"Who is she?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper. "I mean...who _was _she?"

Justin let out a noise that was half-sigh, half-groan.

"Her name is Penny," he said. "She's Captain Hammer's girlfriend. Billy—Dr. Horrible—is in love with her. It's kind of a long story. You have to had watched the whole thing to get it."

Alex snorted bitterly. Hadn't she made that very same point?

"And what was it she said?" she asked instead. "Right before she...?"

"'Don't worry,'" Justin replied. "'Captain Hammer will save us.'"

Alex's eyes flicked towards the stage, where Captain Hammer still stood behind the podium—glowing blue and frozen—even as the piano came in again, slow and quiet, playing high, mournful chords, unscored with a deep sinister base. And as the strings started, blinking back "allergies" of her own, Alex turned her gaze back to her brother, anger rising and twisting itself up with the unfamiliar nauseous empty feeling that had suddenly appeared in the pit of her stomach without warning. And before anyone could sully the moment by breaking into song, she raised her left hand and flicked the tip of her wand violently to the side, without saying a word.

And though there hadn't been a proper spell attached to it, somehow the laws of magic, or whatever, had understood. The little globe on the end of her wand flared bright green, and everyone in the room just _stopped_, save for her and Justin.

"But you kept him frozen, didn't you?" she growled, her voice low as she glared at Justin. "This is all _your _fault!'

_"Me?!" he snapped, whirling to face her, his eyes flaring. "I was trying to __prevent_ this! I've been planning it for _months! You're _the one who zapped Billy and made him drop the death ray!"

"Hello?! Because it's a death ray!" Alex shouted back. "He was going to _kill _Captain Hammerpants!"

"No, he wouldn't have!" Justin snarled. "You saw how he hesitated! Doctor Horrible doesn't have it in him to kill anybody, not even a complete jerk like Captain Hammer! If you'd just stayed out of my way and trusted me, like I said—!"

"But he's the _bad guy!_" Alex yelled. "What the fuck, Justin? Since when do you side with the bad guy? What would Captain Jim Bob Sherwood say?"

"I told you, he'd approve!" Justin said sullenly, crossing his arms over his chest. "Especially if it meant saving Penny's life. In fact, in issue 482, he actually lied to an overzealous admiral of the Interplanetary Justice Force about the true whereabouts of his arch-nemesis Archibald Van Cleef, allowing him to escape certain doom, because he sensed that the evil professor could possibly be redeemed. Ha!"

"Redeemed? Seriously?" Alex pointed towards Dr. Horrible with the tip of her wand. "Did you not listen to a single word he sang? He wants to destroy the entire world, then take over whatever's left standing. He is bad news, I mean it. And coming from me, that's saying something!"

"Just because he's the villain doesn't make him a bad guy, Alex."

"What? Are you even listening to yourself? Who are you, and what have you done with the real Justin?"

"I'm Alex Russo's big brother," Justin said pointedly. "Trust me, I've learned to recognize an evil genius with a heart of gold when I see one."

Alex opened her mouth to protest, then closed it again. And smiled.

"Is that why you always help me whenever I mess up?" she asked, after a moment. "Because you think _I __can be redeemed?"_

Justin's cheeks flared a deep pink as he looked away, then shrugged.

"Nobody who saves a wizard daycare centre from a dragon attack single-handedly can be _all_bad," he muttered, "even if she does it for her own selfish reasons."

"Hey, I was _trying _to get Merlin's Hat to give to Dad as a birthday present," Alex said. "I wouldn't exactly call that selfish, dork."

Justin cocked an eyebrow at her, and grinned. "My point exactly."

Now it was Alex's turn to blush fiercely and look away. Rolling her eyes, she gestured towards the frozen Dr. Horrible with the tip of her wand. "Yeah, yeah, whatever. What happens next, nerdbutt?"

Justin let out a heavy sigh. "Well, Captain Hammer goes into psychotherapy, while Billy—uh, that is, Dr. Horrible—achieves his dream of joining the Evil League of Evil, but—"

"No, egghead! I mean how do we fix this?" Alex shot his a look of disdain. "And 'Evil League of Evil'? Really? Even I could come up with a better name than that."

"I think it's meant to be bad on purpose," Justin explained. "Look, Alex...I don't know that we _can_ fix this. Or even that we _should_. I'm starting to think that this is pre-destined to end badly. I mean, it _is _Joss Whedon, after all..."

"Oh, psh! Just because we tried it your way and it didn't work doesn't mean we can't do it," Alex said. She tapped the tip of her wand thoughtfully against her chin. "All we have to do is out-evil genius him..."

"Who, Dr. Horrible?" Justin asked, with a puzzled frown. "Or Joss Whedon?"

"...so that's exactly what we're gonna do!" Alex said, snapping her fingers. As she twirled her wand in the air again, both she and Justin were enveloped in a bright, blue-white flash.

"Alex!" Justin exclaimed as it started to fade a half-second later. "What did you do?"

"Turned us into supervillains, duh!" Alex looked him up and down. "Who exactly are you supposed to be? Some kind of fancy bunny?"

Justin looked down at himself, to take in the tuxedo-with-tails that Alex had flashed him into, then reached up to feel the fuzzy, grey mouse ears that stuck through either side of the top hat that sat on the top of his head.

"Oh! I'm Archibald Van Cleef!" he grinned. "See, I'm a billionaire scientist who experiments on himself, but then a mouse climbed into one of my chambers during an experiment, so now I'm half-mouse, half-billionaire scientist."

"Uh huh," Alex said, then raised a fist to her mouth and pretend-coughed. _"Lame!"_

"Well, who the heck are you supposed to be?" Justin asked, as he eyed his sister's floor-length, figure-hugging, black lace gown.

Alex tilted her head back, light glinting off her tiara as she placed her hands on her slender waist, and popped one hip. "Evil Queen!"

Justin blinked at her, then shook his head. "Yeah, no, there are no evil queens in Dr. Horrible's world, so far as we know."

"Oh, there's _always _an evil queen," Alex retorted, cocking an eyebrow. "Sometimes she's the head cheerleader, sometimes she's the fairy tale godmother, and sometimes—" she cocked an eyebrow and grinned wickedly at him— "she's your sister."

"Oh...kay," Justin said, not quite sure what to do with that. "But _why _are we supervillains, exactly?"

"Well, obviously so we can beat Dr. Horrible to the punch, and show up to kick Captain Hammerpants' douchecanoe ass and kidnap his girlfriend before he can even reveal himself," Alex said, matter-of-factly.

"Oh." Justin frowned at this. "Um, and to what end are we doing this?"

Alex rolled her eyes theatrically. "So that Dr. Horrible can zap us both with the freeze ray, save Penny's life, and _redeem himself_, dorkus! Hello?"

"Oh!" Justin smiled at this, then nodded enthusiastically. "I guess that could work."

"Pfft, of _course_ it'll work," Alex scoffed. She started to hoist her wand, but hesitated. "You're _sure _Barney won't use his death ray on us though, right?"

"It's _Billy_," Justin corrected her, hooking his thumbs into the pockets of his waistcoat. "And I'm positive."

"Hmm, OK," Alex said. "I trust you. But if he kills us, I'm never speaking to you again."

And with that she lifted her wand above her head, spun it tightly through the air, and shouted _"Literarium Terrarium Activa, Prioris Scēna!"_

The tip of her wand flared bright green. A transluscent symbol, consisting of a vertical line followed by two arrowheads pointing to left, flared briefly above it. And then, with a bright flash of light and a slight tinkling noise, they were gone.


End file.
